Prayer – Now More Than Ever

Repost from April 2020

Over time it has become increasingly evident that prayer is the single most powerful tool in my toolbox.  For me, there are three aspects to prayer: Gratitude, Asking, and Humility. 

You might not think of the first, initially.  So let’s look at GRATITUDE.  I see gratitude as letting the powers – whatever they are – know that I have noticed and received the abundant gifts all around me.  I accept!  I delight in them; I take them in.  I receive them; they are for me.  I feel loved and grateful.  I notice all manner of things, large and small, obvious and subtle; straightforward and quirky.  These gifts are here, whether I notice them or not.  I attribute them to a benevolent force more powerful than me.  I let my thank yous flow free and abundant.

The second aspect of prayer is ASKING for what I want more of.  Something that is not as easy as it sounds for many of us.  Reaching for what our hearts desired was often shamed out of us as children, and it was not in our repertoire to believe that we were worthy of asking God for what we wanted.  Therefore, we unlearned to naturally reach for what we wanted or put importance on developing a regular or clear sense of what we liked or preferred.  Rather we learned to hope that if we were good enough (not greedy or selfish), God would reward us with all He thought we needed and that was the correct and proper way of it.  Nor were we encouraged to know ourselves; to understand what made us uniquely ourselves, and what made our unique hearts sing (beyond merely getting by).  This is what we saw our parents doing too.  I sometimes attribute this trait to my Puritan ancestors.  Make no mistake, it is not normal or healthy; it is a form of intergenerational trauma.  But I digress.

I now understand that for so many years my body was too bound up in defenses and unprocessed emotions to ask for what I wanted.  And there was the issue of the missing skill set.  That is what I am working on now.  And I am making beautiful strides.  This crucial step in growing one’s self up emotionally involves studying oneself and noticing when they like something.  A smile creeps over your face.  You feel lighter.  You sense that your heart has been flung open.  Or there might be a subtle putting down of defenses, a relaxing.  A nod.  And then taking that one step further, taking the risk to admit, I want more of that, please.  Can you help me?  For me, that is the third aspect of prayer: HUMILITY.  

As I dedicate these days to studying myself, caring for myself and slowing way down in the heart of this God-Only-Knows-What-To-Call-It-Time, I think of The Serenity Prayer, which tells us to ask for the serenity to accept the things we cannot change, the courage to change the things we can, and the wisdom to know the difference.  This is such an important prayer to be praying at this time.  Being confused about what we do and don’t have control of is something that might also have followed us from emotionally impoverished childhoods.   It was developmentally appropriate at age seven to believe we had control of things we absolutely did not.  Many of us learned that we should try to control things we had no business controlling – other people’s moods, feelings, opinions of us.  And without proper role models or any other way to recognize these errors, we entered into adulthood with the toxic combination of unexamined shame and unrealistic expectations of ourselves and others: I am responsible for the bad things that are happening.  I am responsible for your bad mood, etc.  I should be doing something to fix this.  And if I try harder to be what you need me to be, then I might be able to get what I so desperately need.

Wisdom often comes with maturity which comes not just from getting older, but from resolving trauma and releasing hurt from the past.  It is what helps us know whether we should accept a thing or fight to change it.  And whether it is ours to change.

My wish for you is that you learn to cultivate a prayer practice beginning with gratitude.  Pray.  Ask for what you want, even if you’re not sure what to ask for.  Even when you can’t see how your heart’s desires could possibly be granted.  Spend time thinking about what you would rather have.  What you want more of, what would truly delight you.  Go ahead.  Make it detailed, and imagine what it feels, looks, tastes, smells and sounds like when you actually have what you have asked for.  Write those things down because they matter.

You are an infinite being of light; one cell in the organism of humanity.  And that organism needs you and me to be fully who we are. It needs for us to choose for ourselves what we want.  To reach for what makes us shine, what delights us, to bud and blossom into all of who we are, which necessitates kicking into self-care mode, fearless self-attunement.  I do this now in order to coax out what I had deemed as my shadow before, but which is actually my Great Self. 

Spirit, please let this time be the container I need to study, to know and to nurture my Great Self.  Help me to appreciate and cherish Her.  Help me to value Her above all else.  Guide me so that I can be the person I came here to be, to contribute what the world needs most from me and can only get from me.  Guide me so that I can find my way to my tribe, to feel that I belong.  To share physical warmth, harmony and deep connection in a supportive family environment, to be part of a whole – a thing of great functional beauty.  This family community is the one that gets to usher in a new version of modern life.  A more sustainable one, connected to heart and filled with physical and emotional warmth, balance and beauty.    Thank you, and so it is.  Amen.

Repost Note: Since this post’s original publication, I’ve moved to Missouri, where I now live with and play in a community surrounded by my natural and soul family. Prayer really works. I am so grateful. Feel free to reach out to me, or schedule a time where I can help you find the words to ask for what your heart yearns for, or remove the blocks that have been obstructing your reaching for them.