Heavily used excerpts from: The Pathwork of Self-Transformation, Eva Pierrakos, Bantam Books, New York, NY 1990.
The conscious ego has to reach down and say, “Whatever is in me, whatever is hidden that I ought to know about myself, whatever negativity and destructiveness there is should be out in the open. I want to see it, I commit myself to seeing it, regardless of the hurt to my vanity. I want to be aware of how I deliberately refuse to see my part wherever I am stuck, and how I therefore overconcentrate on the wrongs of others.
How much do you truly believe that you can unfold qualities of peace coupled with excitement, of serenity coupled with adventure, through which life becomes a string of beautiful experiences even though initial difficulties are still to be overcome?
If we have no bottom line, a relationship can only become increasingly chaotic and impaired. This is so, whether we are convinced that the other person’s behavior has been caused by illness, poor environment, bad genes, slothfulness or evil spirits.
Now, I am defining a new position in my key relationship and family system.
Exhilaration, enthusiasm, joyousness, and the unique blend of excitement and peace that connotes spiritual wholeness are a result of inner truthfulness.
Work on the self involves inner truthfulness in:
clarifying beliefs; clarifying convictions; clarifying values; clarifying priorities; formulating life plans; formulating life goals; staying responsibly connected to persons on my own family tree; defining the “I” in key relationships; addressing important emotional issues as they arise
Reconnecting and defining where we stand on important relationship issues, but in a new way that is focused on the self, not the other.
I need to focus on what I want to say “about the self” and “for the self.”
Separateness refers to the preservation of the “I” within the “we” – the ability to acknowledge and respect differences and to achieve authenticity within the context of connectedness.
We cannot navigate clearly within a relationship unless we can live without it. Formulating a life plan that neither requires nor excludes marriage….planning for our own economic future and formulating long-range work and career goals. Yet such planning — which requires both personal and social change — not only ensures the well-being of the self but also puts us on more solid ground for negotiating relationships with intimate others.
Without a life plan, our intimate relationships carry too much weight. We begin to look to others to provide us with meaning or happiness, which is not their job.
The inner source offers solutions that unify decency, honesty, and self-interest; love and pleasure; reality and bliss; fulfillment of your duties without diminishing your freedom in the least.